This is fucked- How did this happen? Didn't I tell her.... it's too much for coincidence now. I owled her, told her to stay away.  Fuck.

We always did anonymous kills. When did it get personal? Every person I brought for her, they were unknown. How many people did she know that she brought to me? She framed the death of the Minister on her aunt. It was okay at the time, nothing to connect it to her. She knew Dawlish and Malfalda, but I asked her about that. She wouldn't be traced to them. Did she know that other bloke too... Wayne? Damnit, I bet she did.  

Now it's just a matter of time. If I had known of her plan for the barrister, I would have stopped her. She got too close, it was too personal. Feels like I haven't taught her anything.

And there is no way I can help her. 

Damnit.

I said earlier that I would wait. I should wait. But, I can't. I was talking to Wesley today and I could hardly keep myself from jumping across my desk at the man because of his ridiculous commentary.

So, I decided then and there to owl her. I don't want any 'accidents' to happen, so I've decided that this weekend is for the best. It is risky, but I have to do it. Maybe if she's there, it will help me control my ... urges.

Hopefully. Hopefully.

I hope she owls back soon. I can't think, I can't do any of my work until she responds.

This is wrong. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I feel like... I feel like it's been forever since- since the barn. 

That's ridiculous. It's been a week. And that girl, that girl should have prolonged my break. 
I feel restless. I can't sleep, can't eat. It's like there's an itch. An itch I can't satisfy. 

No. I can not succumb to this. I must wait. It hasn't been long enough. If I do it again this soon, there's a chance I could be caught.

But, why? Why is it like this? 
Of course. Cormac and my little freelance job. Throwing that man into the wall, cursing him, it was exhilirating; made me want more. How could I have been so thoughtless?

I am in a hole, a hole that gets deeper and deeper as I try new things. At first it was exciting as I learned how to do it. Now it's an addiction I can't stop. I can't wait too long.

I can't do this too often either. I promised myself I wouldn't use magic, and when I did it felt so good. 

No more. I can't risk it. With magic comes greater consequence, a greater chance I will get caught. 

I'm just going to have to hold off longer. Wait. I can do this.

List of needed items for the weekend:

1. Go to muggle 'pawn shop' for knife
2. Rope
3. Gloves
4. Heavy duty tape
5. Wire
6. Apron